Today’s principle focus is on Confidence
Today’s Positive Affirmation and Encouraging Words to Live By: (Repeat this statement as you go about your day when you need a dose of courage)
“I am confident in all my relationships, I am a confident human being.”
Scripture Reference: Proverbs 31:11 (This study isn’t only for a “Proverbs 31 woman” it is for ALL men & women. It is in our belief each and every soul can benefit from following after the heart of the principles found in Proverbs 31. It is with this viewpoint we have chosen to refer to this strain of Proverbs as “The Wisdom of Proverbs 31”. See our previous blog post HERE for more explanation of how this study works.)
Think on this: While the scripture states “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” It could just as easily for today’s modern family needs (single fathers and mothers alike) read: “Those who are able to be confident and have the confidence of others will lack nothing of value.” It is in my belief the Lord desires to exclude NO one from His scripture – especially in the case of such a wonderful sequence of Proverbs such as Prov. 31:10-31. In the next 20 days we will continue to read through Proverbs 31 as applicable to both sexes, male and female.
ON A SCALE OF 1-10… (10 being the highest most confident in your confidence) Write down on a piece of paper where you see yourself in the area of confidence. How confident do you feel you are?
WIVES and Confidence:
Wives, today is the day we start looking at our husbands as we may have never looked at them before, totally capable of doing anything, and everything! All the tallest trees must first come from a seed! As you walk in confidence in your husband’s abilities, you will quickly find yourself in the position of lacking nothing of value.
HUSBANDS and Confidence:
Husbands, begin today by placing your confidence in your wife, speak with her your concerns and desires for the future. Know your wife desires to be a partner with you – united as one flesh. You will find your wife speaks in the language of security, showing her confidence and trust by having regular conversations about your plans for the future, will cause your wife to be glad to make sure you lack nothing of value!
SINGLE and Confident:
If you are single, begin today by growing more confident in your love for God. What has He done for you lately? What are you doing for Him? He desires to be your true love. When you begin to seek Him, you will find that you will begin to desire to be His true love. Consider Matt. 6:33. What you will read about in the following blog is applicable to all your relationships – siblings, bosses, teachers, employees.
Trustworthy parents create confidence in their children.
BEGIN BY FACILITATING TRUST
Proverb 31:11 states when we place confidence in each other, “no valuable thing will be lacked.” Having confidence in yourself and others doesn’t just mean you think you can do anything, it also means you can be found a trustworthy individual capable of being given visions, plans, dreams, and inner most desires in confidence. Confidence is rooted in trust. As a matter of fact Oxford Dictionary’s definition of confidence is:
Confidence: (n) the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust
Today, is there anything you think you can do to facilitate building or perhaps rebuilding the trust of others? Apologizing for past offenses, or completing something you thought you could never do before, will begin making it clear to your family and friends that they can have confidence in you and your abilities.
The old adage is “you can’t give away what you don’t have.” In finding this statement true, you won’t be able to give confidence, if you don’t have confidence.
When I started working on building up my confidence, I had to begin the mental process of letting go of unrealistic expectations and the way that I thought about things. Finances, ‘honey dos’, and family time management where all things that my husband had offered to take responsibility for, honestly he is better at those things than me. It isn’t because he is a “man” it is because these are areas in which he is strong.
I take care of paying the bills and managing the logistics of eight independent schedules and in so doing, this frees him up to be the Evangelist I know the Lord has made him. He Evangelizes by traveling and making connections with others, while I stay and teach and write out-of-the-home. Together we make a strong and powerful couple. If our strengths were the other way around, things would be different in our home. Building trust and confidence in his abilities to provide by way of his skills and talents, have meant that I had to learn to leave him alone in how he executed these tasks. As soon as I stopped micromanaging the way he did things, I was able to help him become the man I most desired, a partner worthy of the most trust and confidence. As he continued to go out and do what the Lord called him to do in his own time and of his own free-will, this built my personal self-confidence. I was able to begin feeling respected in return. Respect builds confidence. The fact of the matter is your spouse and family will need to know that you have confidence their abilities, before they can begin to trust and have confidence in you.
BUILDING A BRIDGE
If I asked Jeff to take out the trash, and if he said he would, but for some reason didn’t get around to it right away, it used to drive me nuts! I was raised in such a way that as soon as someone asked you to do something, you did it! Until I decided to work on my marriage did I look at taking out the trash as an opportunity to “build a bridge”.
“Building a bridge”, is a saying we use when you have an opportunity to make a connection with someone else. Obviously, building a bridge is the opposite of tearing one down. Doing things intentionally to push people away is tearing down potential bridge building opportunities. Encouraging people and allowing them to make mistakes, draw close to you “bridge building” moments. Focus today on building as many bridges (or positive connections) as possible today.
As far as taking the trash out was concerned, I would still ask Jeff to take it out, however I started building a bridge with him by leaving the trash out until he would get around to doing it in his own time. I learned that if I didn’t nag him in the process of waiting for him, he would see that I trusted him, even if the job took forever to get done. It wasn’t very long until he started taking the trash out right away, not because I nagged him, but because he wanted to do it and he knew I trusted him to get the job done. If it simply took too long, I would do it myself – that is what a best-friend would do.
Trust + Respect = Increased Confidence
When you begin to show others you have total confidence in them, they will desire to rise to the challenge set before them, and you will begin to add tremendous value to each other. When you honor others and believe in their abilities, there is nothing they won’t be able to accomplish! There is nothing they won’t think is too good for you! What separates you from a life of success and poverty? It could very well be your attitude towards others. Do others desire to bless you and add value to your life? Or has your lack of trust and confidence in yourself kept you from your prosperity?
Does your spouse feel encouraged? Do they know beyond a shadow of a doubt after God, they are the most important person in your life? Do you spend more time consoling and caring for the kids, or for your spouse? What about your job, your hobby, or your toys?
Unfortunately I speak to many women who would rather ‘baby’ their children then be supportive wives to their husbands. They wash, iron, and fold their little ones overalls, but completely neglect their husbands needs without a thought. In the same breath, I speak to many husbands who ‘baby’ their boats, bank accounts, and their friends more than they encourage their wives to become more than just glorified babysitters.
Somehow unknowingly to them, these spouses have created an ongoing attitude of angst toward each other for the things they have been put them through. They have subconsciously decided that making their spouse “pay” is the best way for them to feel their pain.
Your spouse should be considered your BEST FRIEND
Your spouse really should be treated like your very best friend, your most trusted confidant, your muse. How late would you allow your friend to be, if you were going out? How would things be different if it was your best guy pal, or girlfriend that crashed your car? We should strive to build bridges with our spouses, like we build bridges with our friends. Honestly, friends will come and go, but you never married your spouse to see them go. You married your spouse for love, and that loved one is the reason that you need to decide to treat them the best.
Your own personal confidence will begin to grow when you can understand the basic differences between men and women. This is important because as you understand men do not think the same as women, you will see how you can communicate better and become more confident in your relationship.
When you encourage your spouse to start new projects, regardless of the risk of failure you will in turn create in them an unbelievable sense of confidence. How you ask? Simple, they will be fulfilled by pursuing their vision. They will gain confidence by doing what they love and any time a person goes about doing what they love, they will be paid handsomely for it. Support your spouse and their vision (husband or wife) and their confidence in their ability to succeed will sky-rocket.
Jeff & I at our friends 1950’s themed costume party – while I miss the style of “the good old days” it is extremely satisfying to know how far we have come as a church in understanding the partnership between a man and a woman. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8
WE THINK DIFFERENT – BUT NEITHER WAY IS “BETTER”
No, men do not think like women do. No amount of manipulating or crying will ever get through to them. Men live in a realm of respect and manipulation is an abuse of respect. A person who is feeling manipulated will only see your acts as constant complaining. Men have been designed with an uncanny ability to immediately “go into work mode” as if in auto-pilot in order to get through stressful situations, it would help you as a wife if you could see when your husband become cool and almost calculative – they aren’t been mean as much as they are preparing for a job which must get done. A job to solve whatever problem you bring them, engage your husbands aid in solving complex problems – you do not have to go it alone.
Women don’t think like men do, we can be fairly opposite. We have an ability to rest while we are working to stop and smell the roses, see the forest through the trees, and emotionally ‘feel’ when a situation is right or wrong. Husbands, as you go through your day today remember your wife has been given an ability to read situations for what they really are. Call it woman’s intuition if you will, I am sure if you look into your past you would be able to see instances when your wives intuition could have saved you hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. Don’t let the demon of pride keep you from listening to your wives gut feelings when in the long run her emotional responses most certainly have been proven right.
In on page 13 of his amazing book Jewish Literacy Revised Ed: The Most Important Things to Know About the Jewish Religion, Its People, and Its History (Hardcover), Rabbi Joseph Telushkin states,
“While the Bible is sometimes dismissed as Patriarchal and sexist, the four Matriarchs of Judaism, Sarah (wife of Abraham), Rebecca (Isaac’s wife), Rachel, and Leah (both married to Jacob), operate on a level of virtual equality with their husbands. For example, when Sarah wishes to expel her servant, Hagar, and Hagar’s son, Ishmael, from their house, the Patriarch is very upset and refuses to do so. But God intervenes: “Whatever Sarah tells you, do as she says” (Genesis 21:12). A few chapters later, the Torah makes it clear that Rebecca has far better insight into the character and destiny of her sons, Esau and Jacob, than her husband Isaac does (Genesis27).”
Vow to put your spouses needs ahead of your own
Even though there may have been hurtful words said in the past, vow to put your spouses needs above your own and you will begin to see things change for you. You won’t fight as much, (you will recover faster) your spouse will begin to feel respected and adored, and they will have full confidence in you! Your physical needs soon will be met and neither you nor your spouse will lack anything of value! The Bible says so!
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. Proverbs 31:11
SINGLE, BUT MARRIED TO GOD
If you are single please understand that the Lord has not left you out, He is your husband. Even as married Christians we should consider we are married to God first, in our level of commitment to Him. When we choose to put His Word first place in our lives, we are committing to Him for eternity regardless of the faith of our spouses God is our one true love.
We all desire our spouses to be our best friends long after our children move away from home. Take the time now to invest heavily in your relationship with each other, building the bridges of trust and respect needed to strengthen your confidence in one another, so that when you become empty nesters, you will remember how to love each other. Don’t be stuck in an offended insecure marriage trap that too often ends in divorce. The golden years are the best to come!
Five Key Phrases to Calm-Down any Fight:
- “Can you please forgive me?”
Try using this instead of “I’m Sorry.” When you ask for someone’s forgiveness, immediately you are assuming responsibility for the offense and it will cause the other person to have to say “Yes,” or “No.” Giving you more to talk about while you are working through the issue.
- “I understand how you feel, that would make me feel the same way too.”
Earnestly try and empathize with those that could be upset with you. Think about them, and why they are losing their patience with you. It might be that they are tired, hungry, angry, or even lonely.
- “I am sorry I disrespected you,” or “Can you please forgive me for showing you any disrespect?”
Any time you mention respect to someone, male or female, their ears immediately perk up! Just as yesterday we studied Nobility, today we will put in practice changing our responses from hurt and offended to noble and wise.
- Wives, you may want to try this “Could you please help me understand where you are coming from? Is there a key issue, or bottom line that you would like me to understand?”
Even though this sounds more professional than marital, understand that when your husband is upset with you, or something you have done, he may immediately shuts down into that work mode. He may come off icy at best, and professional in attitude. After all, this is how he deals with conflicts daily. Don’t be surprised if he begins to talk to you as a secretary or employee. If that happens, just try and stay unemotional, and play the role back to him. He will learn to respect you, and feel respected at the same time.
- Husbands, you may want to try this “Is there anything I can help you with? I understand you are under a lot of pressure right now with ‘xyz’, (try and be specific it will be more endearing and show that you have been listening) I would like to give you all of my attention until we can get this situation resolved… please tell me again how I can help.”
If the situation has gotten beyond the ability to talk, do not be afraid to go right up to your wife and give her a big hug, and let her cry. Most often the response when people get offended is to run away, but never underestimate the power of an authentic embrace. Sometimes it is all we women need.
THIS PRINCIPLE IN ACTION
The Forgiving Man or Woman
Imagine with me for a moment that you asked your spouse to mow the lawn, and they said they would. For whatever reason three weeks have now gone by and the grass unfortunately has gotten longer, not shorter. What to do? Well, you might consider mowing it yourself or finding a neighbor, a child, or a gardner to do it for you.
Having your spouse come home to a mowed lawn \they did not have to mow is going to do one of two things… It is either going to make them mad at themselves for not doing having done it sooner or they will worship you in relief! Now there is that odd chance that they may not even notice… but hey, the grass did get cut, which was the objective the whole time! Build a bridge, be a friend to your spouse.
Today’s Key Take Away:
- Men and women are created differently. Understanding this truth will teach us how to communicate effectively and cause us to create confidence in others. When we can gain someone’s trust and respect they will in turn place their confidence in you. As you gain confidence, the Bible says you will lack nothing of value. Be confident… YOU CAN DO IT!
Today’s Reflection: What did I learn about myself?
What did acting more trustworthy and respectful in your relationships do for you today? Did you begin to feel that others were giving you more of their time or attention? Did you feel more confident as a result? What did you learn about yourself after a whole day of focusing on being and giving away confidence?
If you feel comfortable, comment and share your experience – we are all in this together!
Share this post with someone you think could use a sense of wholeness in their lives… we have 20 more amazing days to go! See our first post HERE
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